Waiting Game

Just waiting until the next ultrasound on Thursday. I still feel fairly positive, although it's also in the back of my mind that one or both of the babies may have stopped growing. My intensified bloating and "morning" sickness is providing me with some comfort (however misplaced) that things are still progressing ok in there, so I'm hopeful that they're both fine. I just keep telling myself that people go on to have successful pregnancies all of the time after infertility/miscarriage, and why shouldn't I be able to too? On a possibly related note, I just downloaded some old Cranberries music, including their album "Everybody Else is Doing It, So Why Can't We?"... I suspect that may have influenced my latest mantra ;) The highlight of my day is probably still when I can go home and put on my purple pants... although this isn't exactly new. I bought these pair of purple lounge pants a while back that are my winter "house pants" that I change into when I get home each day from work, and for some reason the purple pants (and previously, flannel pants) just make me happy. This is especially true now, since my work pants don't exactly fit now, and I hate anything tight around my waist anyway, so usually by the end of the day I'm uncomfortable and irritated. I'm sure in a few months I will look back at this level of discomfort and laugh at myself, but in the meantime, I can still grump about my work pants and look forward to the purple pants waiting for me at home :)

My nausea has continued to get worse over the last few days, although it's still really not that bad. I just have a low level of constant nausea with some waves of stronger nausea throughout the day as I get hungry. I've been able to stay on top of eating as soon as I get hungry, which I think is really helping. I was worried that that was going to make me gain weight too quickly, but I seem to be doing ok in that department too... despite increasing my daily consumption of pretzel rods, bananas, and ice cream. But definitely not all at the same time - just rereading that sentence again made my stomach turn. Ugh. I get to play this fun game now to see what I might be able to stomach - it basically consists of thinking about the food/drink and then waiting to see whether I feel like I'm going to throw up. So far, salads have failed this game fairly consistently, which is pretty bad since that's what I normally eat for lunch at work. Every day. I used to actually look forward to it (almost two years into the daily salad regime), and now it's a struggle. I've tried different dressing (actually switching to Ranch, which makes everything taste better but isn't exactly healthy) and switching lettuce, going from red leaf to iceberg (since I got sick of having to wash each individual leaf of lettuce), and now to the pre-washed containers of organic mixes. I think I may be ok if I can find the right mix - the one I have now is an herb mixture, and there's something in there that is not agreeing with my overly-sensitive sense of smell right now. Part of the reason I like the daily salads so much is because it reduces the stress of figuring out what I'm going to bring to work each day - whatever I can do to minimize time spent preparing meals and cost is the ideal, especially if it also helps me keep my weight fairly stable.

Ryan has now completed hopefully the last injection he'll be giving me. I have one more shot to go tomorrow, but he's out of town again, so he got to celebrate his last delestrogen injection on Sunday. We figured out right from the beginning that the shots hurt less if I'm distracted, and what better distraction is there than Ryan's singing? There have been some notable songs over the last month and a half, although I think my favorites were the one that had no words, just odd, disgruntled noises that had me laughing so hard I was afraid I was going to mess up the shot, and then the last one, which was set to the tune of "La Bamba" and involved the opening line "You got a needle in your back." Classic.